Flurries

09 December 2009

The first snow of the year teased us from the mountains all morning. I checked the weather in my usual way-- hand against my window, testing the glass's temperature. It felt like a glove and scarf day, and a purple sweater day, a toast for breakfast and hot chocolate day.

It didn't stick, that first snow, and it would be several weeks before a real blanket of white would clothe the grey trees and muddy the roads. But this first dusting was just enough for a snow angel in the front yard.

And that's what snow is really for anyway, right?

Inspiration: stream of conciousness

02 December 2009

Sometimes, when my listlessness has oozed into the very tips of my fingers and begins to itch just beside my nose, I like to click through my favorite blog: Design*Sponge. She is everything I want to be someday, a thrifty, clever and no doubt beautiful San Franciscan who fills her charming apartment with decoupage, home decor, and crafts for my kids.

She lives in Pottery Barn Land, where all the rooms are bright and cheery, the table cloths are always pressed, the kitchen is continuously spotless and all the children are above average. Sometimes I pretend I live there: I have such plans for that exciting day when I am making my own life in my own home with my own things, I usually think about this as I wash and dry and sort the dishes in my dim little apartment kitchen.

Sometimes I forget that now will always be Now and my Someday will never start if I always expect it to start Tomorrow.

Martin Luther said, "This life therefore is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness; not health, but healing; not being, but becoming; not rest, but exercise; We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it. The process is not yet finished, but it is going on. This is not the end, but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified."

Which is why I made a Star Chart to hang in my room: to count the ways that I can grown and to measure the things I am learning.

I think I will decoupage a frame for it.

The girl in 261

13 November 2009

I sat next to an artist today. Late for class, I slipped in the back and into an empty seat. Dr. I. was explaining the implications of Apple’s new (imaginary) invisible i-phone on the current markets as I pulled out my notebook. The girl next to me was already scribbling away in hers—in long broad strokes of pen on heavy paper. I watched, enthralled, as the lines bent and converged into a girl in a trendy polka-dot dress, coat thrown over her arm, hair flouncing as she walked.

Inside, I longed to make my pencil strokes come alive like these. In fascination I watched her fill the page spread with doodles of dancing models in chiffon dresses, silk pants suits, taffeta party dresses.

I was sad when she closed her sketch book and tucked it into her pink backpack. She was unassuming, even plain, and no one would particularly notice her walking across campus. But I knew there were dancing pictures hidden in her grubby bag, and in her stubby fingers, nails cut down to the quick, there was real magic.

1st grade

12 November 2009

Ms. Ord walked around the room checking her student's work,

"You guys are such good sentence writers. When you get to high school, your teachers will be so proud of all your good sentences!"

"I don't want to go to high school." someone piped up.

Apparently, there were very strong feelings on this subject as everyone had something to say,

"I don't want to go to high school either!"

"I don't want to leave Ms. Ord's class!"

"I want to get baptized!"

"My cousin never left kindergarten!"

Ah, to be in 1st grade again. Those kids are in for a treat-- it only gets better from there!

Wild west: part ii

29 October 2009

On Friday, Laura called me,

"Hey, do you want to hike Havasupai next weekend?"

I've been working on being spontaneous, so I said, "Yeah, for sure!"

I didn't say what I was thinking which was, "Where's Havasupai?"

It is, in fact, at the bottom of the Grand Canyon: a 10 hour drive and a 10 mile hike. I borrowed from my adventurous friends a backpacking frame, sleeping bag, headlamp, chacos, fleece jacket, water bottles. The next Thursday afternoon, I packed Grammy's (practically vintage) orange pack with top ramen, cliff bars, pringles and my gear, strapped on my sleeping bag and met the other seven who were already packing their bags into the back of an SUV, like a giant game of tetris.

We took 4 days: two of driving, two halves of hiking and one glorious day playing and exploring in the beautiful waterfalls of the canyon.



Road trips are a creature unto themselves. We were quite cozy in that little white car, but we knew from the start we'd be best friends by the end, so we dispensed with formalities and sprawled across each others laps, feet up on the seats, and passed around the pretzels.



The hike itself was beautiful. The canyon, like God's enormous lego set, was stacked rocks to the sky. We stopped, frequently, to snap picture and climb the rocks and walls- more than once I wished I had brought a climbing harness.



And then, we heard the water. It was getting late in the afternoon when we saw the first streamlet, but we knew that just around the river bend... and someone started singing Pocahontas. We hiked up over a bluff and saw the new falls where Navajo falls had been washed out in the last flood.

I have never seen water so beautiful or so blue-green. It looked like an advertisement for Cancun, not some obscure river in the middle of the desert.



We camped that night after a quick swim in the twilight shadows of Havasu Falls. We boiled the fresh water that ran so perfectly blue and clear, and made spaghetti for dinner. We sat up late talking and enjoying our newly made friendships, then unrolled our sleeping bags and slept under the stars.

The next morning, after pancakes, oatmeal, hot chocolate and trail mix, we hiked on to the next falls. The day was warm-- nearly 80°, with just enough wind to keep us cool as we hiked in the sun.

Moony falls drop a spectacular 200 feet, so we inflated the plastic dolphin James brought and sent it down the river and over the edge. It shot down the falls and then bobbed up in the artificial pool beneath Moony to the applause of all the onlookers. We climbed up the rock face and jumped into the cool water- swimming around we shivered and laughed and no one remembered that it was cold and rainy back home.



But it was beginning to get late. We knew the hike out would take several hours, so we began our trek back out of the Grand Canyon.

About half way out, the canyon opens wide to a rocky meadow, and there we stopped to pass around the fruit snacks and gatorade. It was dark by now, and we all sat back on our packs, turned off our lights and watched the wide sky fill with stars as our eyes adjusted to the black. We lay there for some time, chatting and wishing on shooting stars. Sitting there, resting my tired feet, I wanted to soak in this land, this beautiful red rock and sage brush. And then I realized that this western beauty had finally become my home. And I loved it.

Wild west: part i

27 October 2009

I remember crying when the moving van pulled away from our Midwest house and turned onto the westbound freeway. In the rear view window, the dark green forest framed the yard that had been my playground for so long. We were leaving this verdant paradise for the desert, for a tiny old rental home perched on the edge of a hill of dead grass and snow. I hated Utah. The brown and gray of desert landscape: rocks and dead trees, tall, dark buildings that reach to the perpetual smog of the Salt Lake winter.
I cried because there was no green, and I was sure nothing would be beautiful again.

Lunch date

22 October 2009

I invited myself over for lunch because I had to return Grams' camping things, and because I had missed cousin dinner, and because I love lunch dates.

In college I eat out of tupperware, generally, and sometimes strait out of the can. Grams severs milk out of a glass pitcher, and she had set the little deal table with beautiful green place settings and silverware that matched.

I offered to bring a bell pepper- the only fresh food I could find. Grams chopped it up and served it with her homemade bean and ham soup, homemade bread, homecanned bread-and-butter pickles from the neighbors, grapes from her back yard and cookies one of the grandkids had brought by.

And she wouldn't even let me do my dishes afterward, but insisted rather than I come outside to enjoy the beautiful sunshine and her freshly planted daisies.

I can't wait to be grownup like Grams.

I love

14 October 2009

Courtney was sitting on that ugly, worn couch in the living room, and I stood in the kitchen doorway. I'm not sure why, but she called out this first line, and I, like some beatnik lounging in a smokey club, picked up the cadence and added my own stanza. Call and return, we yelled to the ceiling, to the clouds, to the world.

It was therapy, and poetry, and lovely.


I love
by Courtney Bullard
and Me

Rain on me every day
and I will still love you.

Open your gloomy clouds
and let down your sorry sodden paint
and I will still love you.

Downpour on me and I will stand beneath
with arms open wide,
and I will call out:

Pour down on me!

Rain, rain, rain!
and I will still love you.

Simple joys

01 October 2009

1. I get sick with the flu every year around Christmas time so I am now classically conditioned to get the same excitement and anticipation from a fever and chills and that slimy youreabouttothrowup feeling as I get from the smell of gingerbread and Christmas candy (think Pavlov's dogs crossed with the King Singer's Christmas Album). I am always a happy feverish kid.

2. On a different note: I love the radio scan function because I never like what's playing on the radio, but I don't like driving in silence, so instead of listening to every lame song for 5 seconds and then changing the station, the radio does it automatically for me.

3. On the same note: At 5:00 pm, every 3rd station in Utah valley is playing Taylor Swift.

100

Read me, a treasure map. See me, my language which draws in the style of Monet: impressions of my mind in brush strokes of type. Count me, my words which add to multiply: the some-thing of all is the greater part. From your crow's nest look over, in and under--standing, look out through your telescope of reading glasses. Measure and triangulate the latitude of my thoughts; take a sounding of my paragraphs for the sandy bottom. Find me, what's buried at the center: X marks the spot. Read me, lost thoughts sketched on velum, floating in an old bottle.

Rise all loyal cougars

28 September 2009

Melanie and I bonded over pizza and cougar football. Whitehouse were all at the stadium, but they had a TV that worked, and a big living room where Melanie could pace back and forth and jump up and down while yelling advice at the football players on screen. There was free picnic food across the street, but we wanted pizza-- enough to pull out the yellow pages and find the closest 5 buck pizza. Turns out they don't deliver for orders under $7, so we ordered two pizzas, for the two of us, and paid the extra 2 bucks to sit in front of the TV and have our food brought to us.

I wish I had a picture of the two of us: Indian-style on the couch, each with our own pizza boxes in our laps, stuffing our faces and trying not to spit as we yelled at the TV, "Defense! Defense! Defense!"

We won, by the way. 42-23

The morning cometh

12 September 2009

Today rose early, as I slept-- before my deep night's slumber had even thinned to a twilight torpor.

His entourage marched solemnly ahead in long royal robes of velvet shadows.
The canyon winds, who had held their breath so reverently in the midnight anticipation,
began, quietly at first, to whisper amongst themselves--
and then applauding through the aspens, they welcomed the first glow.
For trumpeters, the birdsong cried his coming!

Fresh faced, he glowed with the pale pink, sun-kissed promise of a summer day.
Over the cusp of the road to the east, he peered, then stepped, and then danced
into the receding night.

There were those waiting that saw him,
that leaned out of windows thrown wide,
that felt his new glow on their expectant faces,
That saw Today come.

But I slept, my shades drawn, dreaming about a fishing boat that doubled as a circus clown--
a meaningless phantom that sailed always away into my dim unconscious.

An unexpected complement

10 September 2009

"You know what you are?" he said, "You're a Wendy-bird, and we are your lost boys."

I smiled. He is not generally one for giving complements especially in front of his posse of friends, so I struggled to understand the smack in his words. But it was lost on me-- I liked the way that sounded: me, their Wendy-bird.

I feared my smile, or my loss for words would give away my delight as such a complement. I flippantly changed the subject, but kept the smile, savoring that moment sitting amongst my lost boys.

An unexpected incident

04 September 2009

An explosion in a fascinating thing to consider. Of course, the first law of thermodynamics creates an interesting puzzle of potential and kinetic and unstable energy. How could such an apparent imbalance be a reality?

But there it is, all the same: A nearly minute quantity of potential-packed matter instantaneously becomes an extraordinarily large and beautifully violent living bouquet of saffron and magma,

And then ash.

Can you imagine what it is to be that pregnant bomb sitting still, containing quietly a supernova in miniature?

Concerning vampires

02 September 2009

We started chatting, Sam and I, about the usual: Howwassummer? How'sschool? Whatareyoustudyingagain?

We dabbled in ward gossip, and swapped post-graduation plans (distant dreams in my case). And then somehow, the conversation wound around, like some circuitous and serpentine creek (that suddenly thunders over the edge of a waterfall) to Stephanie Meyer's Twilight.

I have not read Meyer's romances, except for the last page of the last book which I read solely, I think, to spite the general masses of vampire-worshiping Meyerites.

But. Sam (who, may I point out, is not of the aforementioned Cult of Meyer) spoke with such eloquence on the symbolism and archetypal overtones of this substantial modern work of mythology, that I was thoroughly convinced of Twilight's literary merit.

Whether or not I will every read this saga, is still unsure, but I will certainly from now consider it in a different light-- perhaps even an academic light.

As we finally wound down our chat, I thanked him from the enlightening conversation and apologized for having so little to add to the conversation-- just my opinion, nothing of real import.

"Oh no," Sam replied, "Your opinion is of infinite value to me, because I could never have your thoughts."

Perhaps that attitude is the secret to his appreciation of Meyer's great body of work.

Campsite 22: part ii

21 August 2009

Daddy brought the the older kids up after dinner. Something about a photo shoot and work in the physics lab had kept Christian and Lolly at home in the morning, and Isaac and Dad were delayed, in Texas I think. The boys needed little encouragement to stoke the low fire, and as the little ones pulled on pajamas and sleeping bags, we huddled closer to the crackling sticks and branches and sang along with my guitar:

Well, I'm in love with a big blue frog
And a big blue frog loves me.
It's not as bad as it may seem
He's got glasses and he's six-foot-three.


Ghost stories are for girl's camp, so we related our real-life adventures; Isaac tried to whisper as he dramatized snorkeling with sharks, and the rest of us tried, only half-heartedly, not to interrupt with our own summer exploits.

Well I'm not worried about our kids
I think they'll turn out neat,
They'll be good lookers 'cause they've got my face
And good swimmers 'cause they've got his feet.

Chorus
Well, I'm in love with a big blue frog
And a big blue frog loves me.
It's not as bad as it may seem
He's got rhythm and a PhD.


Mom and Dad went to bed before the fire had crumbled to ashes, but we kept right on laughing, singing, joking and alternately coughing on the thin smoke that still streamed from our fire pit.

Well I know we can make things work
He's got a good family since
His mother was a frog from Philadelphia
His daddy an enchanted prince.

Chorus again!


Too many s'mores raised our collective blood sugar to a dangerously giggly level, and we could hear Tommy complaining from his tent compartment, "Stop laughing!! You keep waking me up!"

This unfortunately was made only the more hilarious my parent's stifled snickers; apparently we were keeping everyone awake.

The neighbors are against it and it's clear to me,
And I'm sure it's clear to you:
The value on their property will go right down
If the neighbors next door are blue.

Another Rousing Chorus!


When it got too dark to even see eachother's laughing faces we finally pulled off our tennis shoes on the welcome tarp and climbed into our 10-man tent. Lolly and I tried to crawl over half-sleeping Mariah while the boys made shadow plays on the walls.

Camping is not particularly comfortable, but what could be more comfortable than piling with your sibling in a heap of sleeping bags, in the middle of your family tent, in the middle of the lovely mountains?

Well I'm in love with a big blue frog
A big blue frog loves me
I've got it tattooed on my arm--
It says P-H-R-O-G,
that's frog to me
P H R O G!

Campsite 22: part i

20 August 2009

You go camping with little kids because they get excited about anything furry that moves (always identified as a "prairie dog"),and they remind you just how exciting very large rocks are, "Look there's a big rock!"

Also, little children are actually excited to learn such obscure facts as: Wildflowers at 9,500 ft must generate enough heat to melt the snow around them in the early spring to compensate for the short growing season.

Also, little children take naps in the afternoon, so you don't actually have to entertain them in the wild all day long.

Also, you go camping with little kids because, no matter the company, camping in the Rockies is stunningly beautiful.

Cecret Lake, just a mile north of our campsite in Albion Basin.

Travel log iv: check point

12 August 2009

My faith in our Nation's security is secure.

Today I won the airport security lottery, and they invited me to step into the great x-ray cylinder. When the officer dully asked if I had anything in my pockets, I foolishly assumed he was referring to anything dangerous so I said "Nothing."

The plexiglas doors turned closed with a sucking sound and the words "Beam me up Soctty!" had barely crossed my mind before the x-ray arm had spun around, the doors had opened, and the guard was inviting me out to explain how my x-ray was being reviewed in the other room.

A woman's voice crackled on his radio, "What's in her right pocket?"

I fished out an empty sandwich bag and a paperclip.

Oops.

I pulled my most remorseful hand-in-the-cookie-jar face and the officer sneered-- or was that a chuckle?

"She saw that in your pocket."

Obviously a triumph for the BWI Airport Security.

Which makes me wonder how the woman now waiting across from me made it through with her quilting and sewing bag- pins and needles and all.

New Favorite

10 August 2009

Ignore my music video- it was filmed on a Sony Cyber-shot, but I love this song!

Retail Therapy

09 August 2009

I bought my very first ever purse today. And let me tell you why:

This morning I woke up and pulled on my new cream sweater, a cable knit American Eagle knock off I found on a Marshalls' junior rack, which means it was a ridiculously good deal. I wore it over a scoop-neck-tee with a funky print reminiscent of Middle Eastern art in off-white and taupe. Of course, I wore my favorite dark jeans, and rounded the whole thing off with chocolate ballet flats from the Gap.

But unfortunately my carryall bag/feminine briefcase is black.

And you cannot hold your head high and cary a black bag in brown shoes.

Had I still been living with my 10, 7, and 3 year old Kusinen, I could have perhaps found an appropriate clutch in their dress-ups, maybe something purple or sequined in gold. But they had left for Utah, and I had moved into a house full of boys. So no luck there.

I took the black bag-- I had no other choice, but on my way home, I visited my favorite thrift store and bought a real, genuine red purse. Of course while I was there, I had to find a couple more things that go with Red; some new sweaters, and a couple pair of grey and black shoes.

And to think I used to hate shopping!

Pursuit of Happiness II

26 July 2009



1.
On a whim, I bought fake nails from CVS. They were "Real Life! Petits"-- not too ostentatious, but simple and feminine and the kind you glue on with a little tube of superglue. Cheap but not too tacky. I think someday in the distant future I will be horrified that I superglued little plastic nails onto my own fingertips, but today I love them! I love looking down to see the tan of my hands highlighted by my glossy nails, and I love handing things to people, palm down, fingers obvious, my french tips glowing with femininity.

2.
We stopped at Five Guys for dinner on Friday. I was hungry and the group was obliging. Of course I ordered a Bacon Cheeseburger. And also a large fries to keep my friends from just sitting and watching me eat. 'Eat' is really too tame a word to describe the thrilling experience of smelling and tasting and chewing the best Bacon Cheeseburger I have ever had. The fries were sub par, but the burger-- c'était incroyable!

Personal hygiene

12 July 2009

Shopping for deodorant is a metaphor for my life.

First off, I'm out, and though I believe I could live quite happily and independently without deodorant, I feel the social pressure to get some of my very own. Also, it's comforting to know you smell good.

So I went to the store yesterday to look around, scope out my options, weigh the opportunity costs.

Eight rows of sticks and sticks of antiperspirant: roll-on, gel-on, 24/7, night time, black-safe, unscented, tropical spice-- there seem to be an inordinate number of choices, but they all break down into three types:

There's the friendly kind, the kind you always get, the one that smells neutral and doesn't make a mess, and because you always get it, you know you can confidently expect it to work 50% of the time. Not a high percentage, but it's the confidence here that's key.

Then there's the expensive new brand, that exotic, mysterious smelling New Formula with a sparkly package and marketing promises that may in fact change the course of your whole thus-far-lack-luster life.

And then there's the very safe and very reliable, unscented brand that is plain and boring and one of a kind (because only one brand was crazy enough to try to market a deodorant that doesn't smell Powder Fresh and doesn't have a catchy slogan, and doesn't wear a packaged like an ice cream bar)

And of course I had to smell them all. I nixed the fruit scented ones right off (I'd rather not develop a Pavlovian connection with the smell of my sweat and watermelon), and the baby-powder ones we're too old-ladyish for me. Turns out the "Rosepetal" smelled more like toilet bowl cleaner, and I just couldn't imagine putting "Sexy Intrigue" in my arm pits.

I finally just grabbed one of my 4 or 5 tried-and-half-true regulars-- they smelled and looked just the same as always, safe- and half- reliable, but as I turned to go, I couldn't pull myself away from the All NEW! sparkle of something different and more exciting.

The safe unscented sat bland and undisturbed on the edge of the shelf.

And I stood, weighing my options, confused, and a little frustrated. Did I want to pay that much for the new, alluring, untried brand? Did I really want to stick with the same-old-same-old that I knew wasn't really what I wanted? Maybe I really was better off al natural.

I pulled the unscented, reliable stick off the shelf, grabbed a chocolate bar, and check out.

I tired it this morning, with low expectations. Turns out this one actually scented, a sweet and refreshing smell like the clean outdoors or early morning dew. That was a pleasant surprise. I think I may have found a new favorite.

Bikes on Shoulder

03 July 2009


This title conjures up images of conquering bikers, hoisting their rides in many triumph-- an REI poster. I say manly because actually having that two wheeled hunk of pipes over your head would be a manly feat regardless of the gender of the hoister.

This title however, refers to the traffic signs posted along Maryland 4 warning drivers to share the road with bikers... like me.

I think the trip was Jason's idea, and from the start I wanted in. Of course with a couple of college kids running the show, things were a bit haphazardly thrown together, and we had a bit of a rocky start but at 7:30 we corralled our bikes behind the Barlow Center, said a prayer and headed out. Jason, Andrew, Maria and I-- a nice little chain of wheels pedaling through Downtown traffic. In the rain. Did I mention it was pouring? A veritable deluge right down on our parade. But this is normal riding for me, and I couldn't keep myself from laughing out loud as we ducked and tried to avoided the cars, trucks buses and over-sized puddles: the perfect start to our adventure.

And what an adventure it was: I learned to patch a flat and sleep on wet grass, I loitered in a gas station and then a casino, where I was carded for only the 2nd time in my life. We planed to sleep on the Chesapeake beach, but when we rolled into Chesapeake Beach City at 11 p.m., we just parked our bikes on the first bit of grass we found-- the Chesapeake Beach Veterans Memorial Park. Behind some privet bushes we found a nice place to sleep-- until the sprinklers came on at 4 a.m. That's when the loitering began.

We finally settled on the rocky shoreline of our Memorial Park to watch the sun rise over the bay. I remember seeing the brightness eating away at the horizon's darkness before I nodded off, hunched on a rock, hugging my knees under my fleece jacket.

Biking home on five hours of sleep was not as difficult as I thought it would be, and I was less sore than I expected, thank goodness. Along the way, we stopped for pictures beside a pastoral field and in front of the White House. Eighty miles after the start, we pulled into the Barlow center parking lot. I for one was sweaty, grimy and ready for a nap.

And so in love with biking.

Disappointed love

01 July 2009

My very first love had a deep voice. Deep and mellow, a rich croon that was sophisticated and gentle, and no doubt a shock of wavy dark hair, slacks and a loose tie for that confidently casual look.

Tall, dark and handsome he paced the stage of my minds eye, his stories, his bluegrass band, his live audiences' laughter became the soundtrack to you young life. And as I grew, he claimed the gift of perpetual agelessness, joining me every Saturday night, just as he had always been, broadcasting live from the shores of Lake Wobegon--he was NPR's Garrison Keillor, the same steady, warm voice I had always swooned over.

Today I turned on the TV while fixing some re-heated dinner and suddenly I heard his voice. It was like smelling the cologne of your high school sweetheart, and I looked up to see my Garrison Keillor,

"I grew up in a quiet town..."

But I was confused by the man talking on screen-- he was portly with wild gray hair and a plain face with piggy eyes behind unflattering round glasses. There was nothing exceptional about his appearance other than, perhaps, a drab coat which fit him exceptionally ill, and red sneakers exceptionally obvious beneath too-short pants. He could be described as nothing short of dull, but his thin lips moved and out came that voice, that music, that memorizing murmur-- could this really be that man? Could this really be my Garrison Keillor in the flesh?

I closed my eyes and listened for a while, imagining again the handsome stranger that ought to belong to that voice. Then I shut off the TV and finished my dinner in silence.

Eine kleine nachtmusik

I woke up late this morning, or more correctly, I slept in.

And then I remembered I was having lunch with the president, so I had to get up and iron something presentable. I just grabbed an apple for breakfast, but I was already too late to get a good parking spot, and walking to the metro, I missed the light at every intersection (there were 5 between my parking spot and the East Falls Church Metro). My metro card wouldn't got through (as usual), and as I finally ran up the escalator, I saw my train pull away. The next one (7 minutes later) was overcrowded and had some trouble between Rosslyn and Foggy Bottom. We all waited, squashed together, I hung on to the overhead hand-rail awkwardly, my armpit in some woman's face, someone's briefcase in my back. At each stop we'd all shuffle about to let a few people off, and squeeze together as a twice as many people tried to squeeze on. My stop came, and I had 3 minutes to walk the 3 blocks from Farragut North to the 5th floor of the AEI building, and running up the metro's escalator (in my semi-ironed blouse, pencil skirt and sneakers) I almost missed the music.

An old man, grey curly hair and a great toothy grin, was sitting on a stool, case open, playing Mozart on the violin. His tone was professional, intonation impeccable-- he had no music, but filled the metro and the surrounding block with improvisation on the theme. Cheery, delightful, beautiful.

I caught his eye and grinned. He grinned back and continued to play with gusto.
As I crossed the street at the end of the block, I could still hear: Mozart's Night Music in the DC metro.

Post Script: I ran into the building with another late employee, he looked young enough to be an intern as well. He jabbed the elevator "Up" but just then the doors opened and someone stepped out. We jumped in, and as the doors closed I realized this elevator was going down. I pushed the "5". Nothing happened. He tried the 12th floor. The numbered lights clicked on then went out. The elevator didn't move. We looked at each other and grinned.

"Well, this makes for an interesting start to the day, doesn't it?"

Dictation practice

23 June 2009

Chief Operations Officer pokes head in room-next-door/Temp's office
Temp: What a lovely blue shirt!
COO: It’s green
Temp: No, that’s blue.
COO: No. It’s mint. This shirt is NOT blue.
Temp: I’m pretty sure if we put it to a vote, you would lose.
COO: No! There is yellow in this shirt, for sure, otherwise it wouldn’t be this color.
Temp: Well, in the world of the 8-color crayon box, that is blue.
COO: No, it’s green.
Temp: No, you’re wrong.
COO: Fine, we can vote about it, but it's green
Temp: Well, if we voted at staff meeting it would have to be a secret ballot, but I think everyone would agree that it’s blue.
COO walks out. The temp gives a little chuckle.

For the record-- it could be called nothing but robin-egg blue-- perhaps pushing a pastel teal, but I cast my ballot for blue.

True Story.

Sorry Boss.

The neighborhood crab fest

14 June 2009


To this 1,000 word essay, may I suggest a theme?

Eating meat is barbaric. In the context of last night's dinner, discuss.

Delusions of grandeur

10 June 2009

My favorite character flaw is the unyielding faith I have in my ability to do the impossible. For example, there is never doubt n my mind, as I see a frisbee fly overhead, that I can, in fact, jump half my height. I am still always surprised when the frisbee sails far above me into the trees.

So when Josh suggested that I bike to Mount Vernon, I did not hesitate to start planning. How hard could a little serious biking be? It's only 25 miles each way.

Friday I had work off, so I borrowed Ian's mountain bike, pumped up the tires, and headed out, pedaling in a southeasterly direction-- maps are for amateurs. I have complete faith in my ability to navigate by intuition (and well groomed bike trials).

I biked enthusiastically down the W&OD (we locals call it "the wad"), which follows the Four Mile Run River down to the Potomac. Virginia is beautiful and the paved trail was shaded by great overhanging oaks, maples, sycamores and something that looked like beach. I have to write a paper about the whole experience (that's what happens when you take summer college classes) so I pedaled and made up poetic descriptions of the chunky, rugged bike trail and the Pollock-spattering of sunshine that sifted through the trees.

It wasn't until I had stopped for lunch and started home that my legs began to really complain. About mile 30, I started to slow down. I had no idea your legs could cramp from the hips down. Fortunately, there was little time to worry about tired legs- that is when the rain came.

The rain was of that sudden southern-deluge sort that is unexpected and torrential. I wondered for a moment if it were in the bikes best interested to stop and wait it out under a bridge, but I was dripping already and I couldn't see how waiting in the wet was better than wading in the wet, so I just biked and laughed, and looked up towards the sky and opened my mouth wide.

Post Script:
I made it home fine, dirty and muddy and soaking wet, but I couldn't think of a way to better enjoy a free Friday. Next time I'm biking to the Maryland beach. It shouldn't be too much harder-- it's only about 50 miles more.

Bookstore iv: in which i begin again

Reiters Scientific, Professional and Technical Books, on the corner of 20th and K, is quiet and clean and plays string quartet music placidly in the background. Signs on the tables and by the numerous arm chairs encourage patrons to "Please leave the books on the table, we're happy to reshelve them for you."

In one corner, a young guy played with the brain puzzles on display next to the rack of math T-shirts (a cute atomic couple labeled "Carbon dating-- double bonded for half life," and a large and complex math equation labeled "Weapon of math instruction").

I wandered through the biology and physics shelves, through biomedical engineering and classics in mathematics. At one small tea table an elderly and very distinguished gentleman was bent over a tome of a book: Textbook of Cardiovascular Medicine, 3rd Revised ed..

I noticed a book on the display table: light brown, a nice weight and comfortably proportioned, with a large, glossy but colorless pirate's hook printed across the front, The Invisible Hook. For Christian's sake I picked it up.

I have now decided the economic section is my new favorite wing of the bookstore. Do you know the difference between a buccaneer, a privateer and a corporate businessman?

I tell you when I finish the book.

Bookstore iii: review

06 June 2009

I cannot say I found Fahrenheit 451entirely disappointing, but it left something wanting. Bradbury is known for his short stories, which is a credit to him. It takes a true craftsman to gracefully condense the whole plot diagram into under 200 pages. But I felt that this form did not serve Bradbury well in this case.

True, he presented a stirring and shocking train of what-if events and his character Montag was an effective every man and he was shockingly spot on with some predictions, like the ubiquitous sea shell ear pieces that isolate each person in their own world of music. But I was disappointed that Bradbury barely touched on such themes as the implications of a nearing-illiterate society, or of a society that is devoted entirely to preparations for war.

In 100 pages he barely touches the surface of Montag's character and I felt little connection to the other main actors in the story.

On the other hand, the depth of social commentary I so wished for was obviously not the authors intent. And, in true Bradbury fashion, this book did leave me thoughtful and a little afraid about what we are doing today to our future.

Eau de la ville

03 June 2009

The city smells like three brands of cigarettes: two cheap and three foul. The metro stops at Farragut West has a hot rubber and machinery smell that seeps up the escalators and mixes with the street vendor's smells of mustard and frying oil.

Early in the day 17th street, the 1100's block, is breakfast sausage and diesel fuel that powers the fleets of delivery vans. I walk by as a guard holds open a double glass door: cold air and cologne-- the sweet smell of corporate lobby. My office is strong coffee and overly-conditioned air, a stiff combination that has come to mean answering phones and computer screens and over-worked human.

The people in the streets are a patchwork of perfume, deodorant and humid sweat. Some wear their cigarette smoke like a great billowing cape. Others swagger by and I pause to breath and remember who else wears that aftershave.

And 'midst it all, folded in, the city is saturated with that beautiful sweet smell of Southern Summer. The humid wet that clings to the trees and grass of Farragut Park and clings to me as I walk by, reminding me of summers at the beach.

On the corner of 18th and F, I pause, here the air is not quite my sister's favorite perfume and not quite my childhood's honeysuckle bushes but somehow such a fervent sweet and delicate smell, rich and sophisticated; I pretend to scrutinize the newspaper stands as if the sight of so many headlines has made me short of breath-- I breathe deeply and fill my lungs with my favorite D.C. air. Perhaps it's the row of ornamental magnolias or some rich and famous eau de parfum connoisseur who leaves her windows thrown open just there. But now I have read all the headlines twice through, so I continue my walk down 18th street, breathing in the lovely sunshine.

Bookstore ii: classic

02 June 2009

They blast the most awful music at this bookstore. Today the basement music wasn't too bad, just too loud, and really I can only take a chance on ABBA for so long. So I wandered about in search of a more quiet department.

I found the perfect spot- on a bench between rows of pink and purple paperbacks- and enjoyed my book-burning-SciFi-horror-classic to Vivaldi's "Winter." That piece, I believe, is the perfect soundtrack for the "heaving bosoms and ripped bodices" of the schlocky romance section.

Extreme makeover

22 May 2009

As you may imagine, for a girl who doesn't even shave her legs, getting my hair cut was a dramatic experience. Just ask David, my co-intern, who had to sit through a week of my shall-I-shan't-I before I got up the courage to do the deed. But it was really time I did something with that mop of split ends wigging out on top of my head.* On Wednesday, I arranged to take a long lunch, and the last words I said to David as I headed out to The Hair Shoppe were, "If I come back with long hair, DON'T SAY ANYTHING."

I haven't actually had my hair professionally cut since I was 12, and I had forgotten what a horrifying place the salon is. In case you too have forgotten, let me remind you: They plunk you down in that giant chair and tie your arms down under an enormous black cape. The Hairdresser comes in with an apron full of instruments of torture: combs with blades between the teeth, buzzers, razors, and all manner of sharp, pointy scissors. She grabbed my pony tail and I hear that shzzzzcK! of scissors on hair. Wagging the lopped off thing in front of my face she joked, "Too bad! Someone could have used that!"

I just closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, Too late to do anything now.

I think the best part of a dramatic haircut is the shocking response it draws from everyone who has to double-take as you walk in the room.

Monica and Rachel were the first to notice, and they exclaimed over my pluck and daring. My boss met me as I walked back to my computer and nearly began to introduce herself to "the new intern."

Of course, there's the chance no one will notice because they won't even recognize you. Four people recognized me at class the next day, my professor was not among them, and he gave me the strangest look as I sat down confidently at the front of his class.

Cait says I look like a model; that's what friends are for!

I believe I'm still recovering from the shock of really cutting it all off, but I think I like it.

And now, the new me:

*Puns are always intended.

Bookstore

21 May 2009

My new favorite section in the book store is the reference/trivia shelves. I discovered the Borders on 18th and L one morning as I walked to my office building, and it has become my favorite place to spend my free time in the city before work at 9:30.

I was actually looking for a book on the history of the OED, but this Borders is small or maybe the book is unpopular, anyway, it was out of stock, so I just perused the shelves- Change the World for Ten Bucks, Luck: The Essential Guide, and The Mental Floss History of the World: An Irreverent Romp Through Civilization’s Best Bits.

In the end, I actually wandered down stairs to the border of SciFi and Horror- right where Ray Bradbury belongs. I have always wanted to read Fahrenheit 451. And they're kind enough to provide coushy chairs.

At the water cooler

I work in a real office. In fact, as I pledged the furniture in the directors office (oh, the high and mighty work of the revered intern), I noticed that if I sat in the chair next to the interior window, it would look like one of those close up interview shots from The Office. Exactly like The Office. We don't quite have the caricatures that JB Novak dreamed up, but, from where I sit, there does seem to be an endless supply of the ridiculousness here.

The director of IT walked past my desk the other day, "Did you know I have gills. I do. That's why I wear collared shirts."
I wonder what he felt about the Lox wraps they served in the board room for lunch.

Suzie and David swapped music pirating sites over lunch, and when I rolled my eyes David offered, "We'd be more than happy to share the joys of piracy with you if you are ready to welcome them into your heart."
Seriously. Those were his exact words.

Also, David has recently coined the term "The Mallory Effect" in which I rub off on other people and they start spewing non-sequiturs at passing coworkers.

Apparently my propensity for office ADD is manifest in a running commentary, but at least my comments make sense most of the time.

Today Brian walked in carrying a slightly frosty desktop hard drive.
"Found it! Forgot I stuck this thing in the freezer last month."

Out to lunch

05 May 2009

I sat next to Roy R. Romer today at lunch. He looks much older now than in his Wikipedia picture, but that didn't stop all the important people in the Capital Hilton Congress Room from coming up to say hello. He didn't actually introduce himself to me, he only asked what I did and, no doubt trying to be genuinely conversational, asked this and that about TPR. But I knew who he was because Checker (who's real name is Chester E. Finn Jr.) gave a shout-out from the podium to his old friend Roy, and someone stopped by to congratulated him on his son's becoming another Senator Romer.

Roy R. Romer, by the way, was a congressman, a senator, the 39th governor of Colorado, the superintendent of Los Angeles' Schools, he has a school named after him in the San Fernando valley, and now he serves as the chairman and lead spokesman for Strong American Schools, currently funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and the Eli and Edythe Broad foundation, which is an initiative aimed at encouraging politicians to include education reform in their platforms.

But really, sitting next to Roy was nothing, I was in fact sitting in front of Checker the whole time, who was formerly the United States Assistant Secretary of Education and currently the president of the Thomas B. Fordham Foundation, who provided the luncheon.

I was there just to take notes on the speakers, but since the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation had been so kind as to provide the delicious and expensive box lunches, I helped my self to a grilled vegetable on tomato focaccia sandwich.

NOTE: Roy R. Romer eats his chocolate brownie with a fork, which is a much more sophisticated way of doing it, especially at a luncheon full of DC's leading lights in the field of education reform. I felt foolish for trying to eat it with my bare hands.

The intern

04 May 2009

(in all her glory)

I stopped on my way out of the office to switch from business pumps to my favorite tennis shoes. Leaning against the water fountain I noticed a sign on the door opposite: "Stairwell." Stairs! Why have I been riding the elevator every day! I slipped through the heavy door and heard it clunck shut as I skipped down the five flights to the ground floor, which is where I found a very nasty-looking metal grate of a door with "Fire Exit Only" painted in large and unfriendly letters. An addendum was stamped beneath: "Alarm will Sound."

Hm.

I ran back up a level to floor 2 and rattled the door knob. Locked.

So was the next door and the next and the next.

Back on the fifth floor, I considered sitting down to think or maybe cry. Then, as I so often do when I'm in need of a bit of cheer, I thought What would Vernon do? and I saw him in my mind's eye doubled over, piddling-- yes, in fact piddling-- at the hilarity of my situation: It was my first week of work and I was locked in the stairwell of 1150 17th Street in Washington, DC.

I swallowed what little pride I had still intact (after a week of interning) and called the office. (Thank heavens I had cell phone reception in that concrete pit.)

"Philanthropy Roundtable, this is Lindsay."

"Hi. This is the intern. I'm locked in the stairwell, could you come let me out."

Bless Lindsay for not laughing while I was still on the line, "Sure, where's the stairwell?"

"Just outside our office, next to the drinking fountain."

"I'll be right there."

She didn't even crack a smile as she pulled the heavy door open, "I think this happens in a lot of DC office buildings-- the doors only open if the fire alarm goes off. I think Lacey locked herself in here too her first week. She's the sort of girl who would try to take the stairs."

I mumbled something about avoiding a fire drill, tried to chuckle and ran for the elevator.

Well, as my boss Stephanie has been reminding me all week-- I am an intern; I can only go up from here.

From my shrinking world

29 April 2009

I walked into my first staff meeting Tuesday, and sat across from a pretty blond, "Hi, I'm Lacey!"
Lacey?
"From Missouri?"
"Ahm. yes."
"Lacey. Hm. We were 8th grade locker partners."
"Woah. Wow. Yeah, we were! How are you?"
We're having lunch tomorrow to catch up on the six years since we shared a tiny upper locker in Jeff. Jr. High.

What to do with the baby?

26 April 2009

I don't know how I feel about those cutesy books full of babies sitting in giant flower pots, or dressed like fuzzy snails, or just sitting, naked , sleeping with giant hyacinths on their heads. But I do know these pictures seem but a minor offense when compared with the names found in Anne Geddes' book Baby Names. These are just a few of my favorites:

Girls
Albina (white)
Bryony (twining vine)
Clover (from name of plant) you're kidding me
Drusilla (dewy-eyed)
Eugenia (well-born) hope she's blonde and blue-eyed...
Flavia (yellow)
Germaine (brother)
Hippolyta (Queen of the Amazon)
Iolanthe (violet)
Jael (wild goat) "It's like Jail, only with an E"
Kezia (Cassa tree)
Lettice (mid-evil)
Mignon (darling) bet she'll grow up vegetarian. Friends with Lettice.
Nerys (lord)
Oonagh (one) seriously, who will ever spell that one correctly?
Prue (provident)
Quinella (5th)
Rasheeda (wise)
Sigrid (victory)
Tryphena (delicate) sounds like a dietary supplement
Uta (diminutive form of Ottalie) better Uta than Ottalie
Valmai (mayflower)
Wilhelmina (protect)
Xaviera (new house)
Yseult (midevil)
Zephyrine (west wind) I think that's the name of my allergy medicine...

... and a few good ones from the
Boys
Auberon (elf power)
Easter (from the Christian Holiday)
Granville (high place)
Kain (var. of Cain) seriously? Cain?
Marmaduke (servant of Maedoc)
Urien (privileged birth)and no one will make fun of that one at scout camp
Zilcomo (thank you) another allergy medication?

Fido the pachyderm

24 April 2009

The elephant sat between us on the front porch like some lazy family dog. I leaned against your deck chair to block him from view, but he just watched us dolefully, and you and I sat, as usual, in silence. I was too busy taking my own pulse to ask if you minded the intrusion- after all, I had first named him and invited him to follow us about.

When our usual contemplative and lonely silence became too uncomfortable, you commented, in passing, on his pachydermine proportions, and I could think of no reply but, "Why? Don't you see--things could have been so different."

Instead, I said "How true."

And we each returned to our busy solitude-- I, blankly staring at the empty browser window, you, intently watching the screen of your i-pod.

"I could go for a burger or two."

"Bacon cheese burger?"

"Done"

There wasn't room for him in your little car, but that's the way I prefer it. All our best conversations happen in the Wendy's drive-thru.

A eulogy

17 April 2009

I learned this week that Thomas O. Lambdin is dead. My classmates chuckled when the Harvard grad, who was lecturing on the Blessed BDB, told us that this man, the source of all suffering and tribulation in our lives over the past two semesters, had in fact moved on to the other side.

I was shocked. For a moment, I was afraid I might start crying because somehow, somewhere between stewing over his lists of vocabulary and grumbling over his complex translation homework, I became very attached to the author of my text book: Introduction to Biblical Hebrew.

Thomas O Lambdin is a man of mystery. His Wikipedia article is two lines long-- brevity that perhaps nods to the famous brevity of his Hebrew Grammar. He taught at Harvard University, but besides a few papers and my shabby green textbook, paperback cover peeling away from wrinkled and well thumbed pages, there is little left behind to remind the world of this brilliant Hebrew Scholar.

So this is my tribute to the man who was my Virgil through Hebrew Grammar (is it a sin to cross dead language metaphors thus?): my guide through the forms and tenses of Biblical Writ.

Dr. Lambdin, you will be dearly missed.

English 315

30 March 2009

There is a plague
called jargon,
or academeese,

which, in the event
of a formal request
for information
regarding and/or
pertaining to the
expertise of the
speaker, may, with
a vicious infection,
permeate every
syllable of the
communiqué which
was intended to
educate the mind
of the lay-man
and, while causing
the speaker to
adopt an attitude
of total disregard
for the foolish
and otherwise
ridiculous sound
of the string
of misplaced
verbiage,
may elicit
a significant
increase
in confusion--
an increase
incidentally
proportionate
to the length
of the speaker's
sentences.

Words recently swallowed

13 March 2009

The saddest word in any language is the unvowelled and unenunciated mumble which might have pulled thought into reality: the shadow of a conversation which crosses the welcome mat into the house of "Might Have Been" and leaves reality outside a little lonelier.

A truth I could not tell you:
I'd love to have dinner with you. I'll pay if you'll drive.

A Seurat scene

10 March 2009

I love jigsaw puzzles because they are a metaphor for my life; 500,000 nearly indistinguishable pieces of pressed cardboard scattered on a coffee table for the casual puzzler's perusal: doesn't look like much.

I like it when sometimes you dump out the pieces and a couple are stuck together already-- a double length of picket fence, the front legs, mane and left eye of a palomino.

I always start by spreading them evenly, face up--push the edges to one side, the sky pieces to one corner, grass gathers in another, red brick pieces, grey wood pieces. And slowly this confetti world begins to grow into townhouses, a lamp post, an electric street car.

And sometimes the pieces suddenly all fit neatly into place, each fragment of flower petal matching into a hydrangea bush which lines the lawn along the lane which disappears beneath some sets of feet.

And sometimes the pieces--some grey shards and a few scraps of unearthly yellow--just sit and stare up at you, refusing to suggest usefulness. At which point the whole delightful exercise sputters to a halt, and I step back to view an unmapped archipelago of puzzle.

I know it will become that charming summer scene, complete with a hopscotch game and picnicking lovers, but today I'm more in the mood for scrabble.

Vegetarian: in retrospect

04 March 2009

Bacon was my downfall.

Of all the foods I have loved and ever will love, there is something irresistible in the crisp and juicy sweet of hot bacon that makes my stomach whisper, "Junior Bacon Cheeseburger! Junior Bacon Cheeseburger!"

Of course, I managed just fine for an entire 10½ months without killing half the barnyard. In reality, I was a genuine vegetarian for nearly a year, with the exception of a few unavoidable and delicious forays into the world of Omnivorous Man. Whatever my reasons may have been for living mainly on rice and tofu (and it is debatable whether I even had any reasons at all), I must say preaching peace, love and respect for the animal kingdom did me good.

For one, I honed my cooking skills, focusing on the more animal-friendly cuisines of the the Mediterranean, Middle East and India. Also Thailand. Coconut milk and green chili paste were my two main staples for a few good months. Rice and curry were my next staples. Curry and my garam masala are still the two spices I reach for first if ever I find a limp and blanched vegetable in need of assistance. (Or rosemary, but that is neither here nor there.) Then I went on a falafel kick and ate flat bread and fried chickpeas every day. Of course, I appreciate the importance of iron in my diet, and the need to replenish my amino acids etc., so I ate a lot of spinach, at least in the beginning. And seaweed, which is also green and makes me feel healthy. I became, in my own right, a bit of a sushi conoseiur-- blanched carrots and avocado with a nice sweet rice vinegar! mmmh!

For another thing, I never wanted for lively conversation. Those who enjoyed arguing found no end of scriptural (or otherwise authoritative) support for a more meaty diet. Those who did not enjoy arguing still found it necessary to express there own thoughts on the subject of nutritional therapy. "Vegetarian? Like what, you eat grass all the time?" My rhetorical skills soon grew as sharp as their wit.

Mostly, being a vegetarian reminded me how much I love meat.

Last night, as I did crunches in front of the tube, a commercial for Arby's New Roastburger came on. I looked at my roommate. She looked at me.
"I'll grab the car keys"
"I'll grab a coat."

mmmmh. Bacon, roast beef and blue cheese on a toasted bun.

It even has vegetables.

Over goldfish

14 February 2009

I can't have you?
   good heavens,
I never thought of you like that;
       a possession to gather,
       a piece of luggage with my tags.

As just some friend, I had thought to draw something deeper from your closedness,

but I don't want to have you.

Who asks to own sunshine, or fresh water, or happiness? I don't claim you
       like some item at will-call.

100.2°

10 February 2009

I tried counting sheep
1, 2, 3... 4.. 5,6... 7...
But traffic patterns were erratic, and a few confused sheep caused a wooly pile-up.
Somewhere, I started singing Happy Birthday.
I wonder, when this fever has completely usurped my conscious, if it will put up roadsigns: reduced sheep-limit, no ewe-turns, soft shoulders ahead.
...Happy birthday, dear Cathy... who is Cathy?

I scraped my brain for some remnants of coherent thought and made from it a trebuchet to help with the sheep launch.
34... . . 35... . .. 36.. . . 37... .
At which point I ran out of sheep, and the large Over-the-Moon Black and White was called on to substitute, then a killer whale swam underneath.
Yin and Yang.
like that ad in Modern Bride for a 40 ft cake platter, 41 ft cake platter, 42 ft cake platter...

I woke up several hours later, cold and sweating and still counting.

In season (to be read aloud)

02 February 2009

The first new months are off
to a slow
cautions
start.

They needed crampons to hike
from last year to here, but
today
all the world
wants snow shoes,
and thick knit things,
and hot spiced cider
and someone to sit with
to see the sky
frosting old Earth
     with
          snow.

Jelly doughnut

21 January 2009

I am simply bursting with things to say.

And you, my dear reader, like an early customer at the local bakery, are likely to be overcome with the yeasty smell of rows and stacks of fresh and tasty good things to read.

Petits fours of my wisdom, still glistening with icing florets.

Of course, I can't quite remember what I had to say, but just the thought of it looks so lovely sitting in the display window of my ever-receding memory.

And when you dream,

10 January 2009

                                ...dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big.
Ryan Shupe, Dream Big

Excuse me

08 January 2009

You stubbed my toe.
Though I suppose the fault is mine for leaving it hanging out there for any careless fellow to trip over.
But you hardly noticed my foot
or my wince.
In fact,
now I'm not sure you ever noticed me at all.
But no harm done--
I've put on band-aids before.
Besides, it's not like you broke any major vital organs.

 
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