English 315

30 March 2009

There is a plague
called jargon,
or academeese,
which, in the event
of a formal request
for information
regarding and/or
pertaining to the
expertise of the
speaker, may, with
a vicious infection,
permeate every
syllable of the
communiqué which
was intended to
educate the mind
of the lay-man
and, while causing
the speaker to
adopt an attitude
of total disregard
for the foolish
and otherwise
ridiculous sound
of the string
of misplaced
verbiage,
may elicit
a significant
increase
in confusion--
an increase
incidentally
proportionate
to the length
of the speaker's
sentences.

Words recently swallowed

13 March 2009

The saddest word in any language is the unvowelled and unenunciated mumble which might have pulled thought into reality: the shadow of a conversation which crosses the welcome mat into the house of "Might Have Been" and leaves reality outside a little lonelier.

A truth I could not tell you:
I'd love to have dinner with you. I'll pay if you'll drive.

A Seurat scene

10 March 2009

I love jigsaw puzzles because they are a metaphor for my life; 500,000 nearly indistinguishable pieces of pressed cardboard scattered on a coffee table for the casual puzzler's perusal: doesn't look like much.

I like it when sometimes you dump out the pieces and a couple are stuck together already-- a double length of picket fence, the front legs, mane and left eye of a palomino.

I always start by spreading them evenly, face up--push the edges to one side, the sky pieces to one corner, grass gathers in another, red brick pieces, grey wood pieces. And slowly this confetti world begins to grow into townhouses, a lamp post, an electric street car.

And sometimes the pieces suddenly all fit neatly into place, each fragment of flower petal matching into a hydrangea bush which lines the lawn along the lane which disappears beneath some sets of feet.

And sometimes the pieces--some grey shards and a few scraps of unearthly yellow--just sit and stare up at you, refusing to suggest usefulness. At which point the whole delightful exercise sputters to a halt, and I step back to view an unmapped archipelago of puzzle.

I know it will become that charming summer scene, complete with a hopscotch game and picnicking lovers, but today I'm more in the mood for scrabble.

Vegetarian: in retrospect

04 March 2009

Bacon was my downfall.

Of all the foods I have loved and ever will love, there is something irresistible in the crisp and juicy sweet of hot bacon that makes my stomach whisper, "Junior Bacon Cheeseburger! Junior Bacon Cheeseburger!"

Of course, I managed just fine for an entire 10½ months without killing half the barnyard. In reality, I was a genuine vegetarian for nearly a year, with the exception of a few unavoidable and delicious forays into the world of Omnivorous Man. Whatever my reasons may have been for living mainly on rice and tofu (and it is debatable whether I even had any reasons at all), I must say preaching peace, love and respect for the animal kingdom did me good.

For one, I honed my cooking skills, focusing on the more animal-friendly cuisines of the the Mediterranean, Middle East and India. Also Thailand. Coconut milk and green chili paste were my two main staples for a few good months. Rice and curry were my next staples. Curry and my garam masala are still the two spices I reach for first if ever I find a limp and blanched vegetable in need of assistance. (Or rosemary, but that is neither here nor there.) Then I went on a falafel kick and ate flat bread and fried chickpeas every day. Of course, I appreciate the importance of iron in my diet, and the need to replenish my amino acids etc., so I ate a lot of spinach, at least in the beginning. And seaweed, which is also green and makes me feel healthy. I became, in my own right, a bit of a sushi conoseiur-- blanched carrots and avocado with a nice sweet rice vinegar! mmmh!

For another thing, I never wanted for lively conversation. Those who enjoyed arguing found no end of scriptural (or otherwise authoritative) support for a more meaty diet. Those who did not enjoy arguing still found it necessary to express there own thoughts on the subject of nutritional therapy. "Vegetarian? Like what, you eat grass all the time?" My rhetorical skills soon grew as sharp as their wit.

Mostly, being a vegetarian reminded me how much I love meat.

Last night, as I did crunches in front of the tube, a commercial for Arby's New Roastburger came on. I looked at my roommate. She looked at me.
"I'll grab the car keys"
"I'll grab a coat."

mmmmh. Bacon, roast beef and blue cheese on a toasted bun.

It even has vegetables.